I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
