In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
