She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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