I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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