final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
