Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
