Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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