dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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