I could make wine with my vomit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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