We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
