I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
