Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
