i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
