I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
