I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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