so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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