I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
