It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pants are for mortals
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
