a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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