You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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