I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
