Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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