ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
