You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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