He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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