Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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