I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
