people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
