Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
