I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
