I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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