Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
