I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
