Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
