I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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