He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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