Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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