Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
