I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
