mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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