I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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