I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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