I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
