Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
