omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
