Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Boobs speak an international language.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
