i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
