ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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