So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
