awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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