he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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