so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
