This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if only i could text you this smell
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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