i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
