I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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