I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize