why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
