Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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