I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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