I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize