doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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