I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
