I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
