I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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