First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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