he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
