apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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