Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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