so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
