the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
